Reflections on

A weekend I spent pouring over the pieces of your life

Polaroid photographs, long wild hair and a somber expression, flanked by a dog and a bearded admirer, classically cool

Every paper I ever wrote

A brown spiral notebook containing six drafts of the same apology letter

A blue stuffed animal of a Japanese cartoon character

Art supplies for a lifetime of making things that matter

Your collie Sam, forever smiling in black and white

Your big, dark eyes dusted by bangs in a high school portrait

And framed by short waves in an 80’s band photo

Your great capacity for love spilling out of every envelope and onto the floorboards

Maybe that’s why your heart gave out

I wish I could ask you why you kept

Poorly drawn doodles I gave you or mundane old letters but

I know it’s for the same reason I keep those things

You didn’t realize you were leaving

Me to find them all, no You to ask how to cherish them or to dispose of them

So I do it for you, I listen for you

Guiding my hand